Playtime with Leggypoo
by Flawed Mind
Summary: Ever wonder what would happen if Legolas came to talk to one of us, authors of his stories? It could get dangerous... as dangerous as a polkadot suit.. oops can't give too much away... Please R/R


Legolas' Revenge!! Playtime with Leggypoo

A/N: Um, yes, I am insane, thus the name FLAWED MIND! And ps. There will be self insertion. Oh Lord! Quick kill me now!!

Legolas: Okay ::strings bow::

A/N: Oi! No speak until the story starts!! Put that away! 

Legolas shrugs.

A/N; Now go to your mark! ::she points off computer screen::

Legolas sighs and walks away.

Begin story.. Playtime with Leggypoo

Anger was burning in his clear blue eyes as he stomped as well as the light footed elf could over to her. 

" What the hell is this?" he asked. Flawed Mind wiped the drool from her chin and turned back to her computer. " Slash, jokes, and stories not even about me! What the hell have you done to me?" 

She shrugs.

" This is most unwelcome! I do not love Aragorn that way, nor any of the fellowship! Nor do I love any fangirl or Mary-Sue! How dare you all assume I would do such a thing! I would kill you all if I had the chance. Just to get some peace and quiet. I have been all over Middle-Earth in but moments, talking to hundreds of people, and in modern Earth as well. Do you have any idea how many times I have had sex with people today! I may be an elf but I have my limits! So I say to you stop now or you shall die by my hand, and no I won't have sex with you!" Flawed Mind turned slightly to raise an eyebrow at him. " You know you were thinking it!"

" Um," she said, expecting such a tirade, turning back to her computer. " To this, on behalf of all fanfiction writers who write about you, I say bite me'" 

Legolas was shocked He hadn't expected such a brush off. Flawed Mind's back was still to him as she raptly typed something into the computer. Anger grew within him, he was a prince after all and he deserved some respect! Seems now, thought Legolas, I have the chance to do what I promised. 

Legolas whipped out an arrow and strung it in his bow. Silently he drew back and took his mark. 

" Don't even think it." She said, scaring the hell out of the elf. He could barely hear himself, how could she hear him? He decided to challenge her. 

" Or what?" Oh, that didn't sound childish at all. Legolas could have smacked himself on the head for the retort. 

" Or I'll turn you into a butt-loving, prancing, polkadot-wearing, tutu-dancing, Nancy-boy elfslut," she said very calmly, her fingers never leaving the keyboard. Legolas stood dumbfounded, a new sensation for the elf, for only an instant before he began to laugh.

" You haven't the power!" he cried. Flawed Mind turned in her seat to give him an icy glare. 

" I do, and just for that I'll add a Scary Spice hair-do to the list." She smiled evilly. Legolas, on the other hand, turned stark white.

" You wouldn't," He said fearfully.

" Try me." Both were silent for a few moments as Legolas decided if he was gonna believe her or not. Her face was glued to the computer screen and there was no tale tell emotion that played on her blank face. Finally, going against his better judgement, Legolas decided that she was bluffing.

" You're bluffing!" he said with contempt. " Madame, your truthfulness reminds me of the wrong end of a troll."

Flawed Mind threw a grin over her shoulder. 

" Don't say I didn't warn ya," Her fingers lightly pounded keyboard. There was a flash and Legolas stood before Flawed Mind bewildered. The blonde, tall, elegant, blue-eyed, stealthy elf that was Legolas was no longer.

In his stead stood a tall man with wildly curled head, partially wrapped into cones on the top of his head. As Flawed Mind's eyes traveled down she grinned at the bright red lipstick on his full lips. He was wearing a bright, multi-colored, polkadot suit, reminiscent of Elton John's Got Milk ad, with a huge pink tutu around his waist. On his feet were zebra print boots. Legolas looked at them, they weren't on the list.

" Hey!" he shouted his protest while pointing at the shoes.

" Oh, yeah, oops." Flawed Mind shrugged. Legolas was about to shout out his protest again when he suddenly became overwhelmed with the need to prance around the room. He blanched as he moved around the room. 

" Make it stop! Make it stop, you vile creature!" 

" Like calling me names is gonna to help your situation. Nope, not gonna help at all," she said as she pounded on the keyboard. Suddenly, a white door opened up to the left of the prancing Legolas. The entire Fellowship, except Legolas of course, walked through. 

" No!!" Legolas screamed as he twirled before landing a perfect pirouette. The hobbits immediately fell to the ground laughing. Gimli, his best friend, didn't begin to laugh until he hear one of the hobbits say something along the lines of " he looks like Galadriel on crack!" 

How they knew what crack was, was beyond the author, but they did. Aragorn and Gandalf stood to one side with wide grins on their faces. Finally Aragorn hooted with laughter when the nimble elf fell into the splits with a very pained look on his face. But he sprang up very quickly and spun around. 

" Well," he said as soon as he could take a breath and stepped forward, "this is different." As soon as he spoke Legolas stopped prancing. As is pulled by an invisible force, Legolas came toward Aragorn with a horrified look on his face. 

" No! Make it stop!" 

" Not until you say you're sorry!" Flawed Mind said in a singsong voice. Legolas crept closer to Aragorn, trying to fight every step he took. He finally got within an arms length form Aragorn, who was giving him a very worried look. Screaming for help Legolas threw his arms around Aragorn. Aragorn struggled to get his enchanted friend off of him.

" Get him off of me! Gandalf! Help!" But Gandalf couldn't move, for he was laughing too hard.

" Dear God not another Slash!!!" Aragorn shouted, trying desperately to keep his friends hand in one place. " Say you're sorry you twit of an Elf! And get off me!"

" I'm sorry Aragorn! I love you! AHH! That was not me, that was her, that witch!" Aragorn spared a hand and clamped it over the elf's mouth. 

" Names will not help, my friend. AHHH!! Get you're hand out of there!" Legolas tried to speak his apology against the hand at his mouth, but instead he licked it. Aragorn had only seen an elf cry once, and it was never in this type of circumstance. Tears streamed down Legolas' face. His usually fair face was blotchy red with embarrassment and frustration. Aragorn let go of his mouth when he felt one of Legolas' hand in a place it should not have been. He quickly stepped back, out of his friend's arms. Legolas collapsed and began to weep. 

" Why didn't you just kill me?" he muttered. At this, Flawed Mind flew from her chair to his side, crouching next to him.

" Don't you understand? We'd never kill you, we love you. We parody you because we love you, or else we wouldn't bother with you. Like Gimli for example. There was a loud, resounding " Hey!" from Gimli.

" Well, it's true," Pippin said to Gimli.

" I know that, but no one else does!" 

" Whatever, anyway that's why we parody you." Flawed mind said, smiling warmly. 

" Truly?" He asked as his tears stopped.

" Yep, I'm afraid it's just that easy elf boy. Now I think there's something you have to say?" 

" Yes," he breathed and looked at his feet. " I am sorry." Flawed Mind smiled brightly and gave him a swift kiss on the forehead. 

" Good elf boy." She stood and went right back to her computer. Immediately Legolas went back to his deep greens and brown that were common to Mirkwood elves. He breathed a sigh of relief. He was so very happy to see his own clothes he almost began weeping again. The Fellowship cheered, even Aragorn, who had forgiven his friend of his indiscretion. A portal opened where it had earlier and the Fellowship trudged through, with Gimli rumbling about how he didn't have any true parodies about him. Legolas stood behind for a moment though, his elven curiosity getting the better of him. He silently came up behind Flawed Mind and looked over her shoulder to see what she was so fervently typing. Even his sharp elven eyes could barely focus on the words. And when they did his eyes went wide and he backed up quickly, stringing an arrow in his bow and letting it loose. It flew above Flawed Mind and landed in the wall above her computer. 

The screen read: The Fellowship cheered, even Aragorn, who had forgiven his friend of his indiscretion. A portal opened where it had earlier and the Fellowship trudged through, with Gimli rumbling about how he didn't have any true parodies about him. Legolas stood behind for a moment though, his elven curiosity getting the better of him. He silently came up behind Flawed Mind and looked over her shoulder to see what she was so fervently typing. 

Flawed Mind grinned evilly. Isn't it fun to be an author?

A/N: okay a funky ending. In fact I don't like it ( DEL: DEL) Oh well, it's here and I can't think of anything else cause I'm outta pot. Oops, I wasn't supposed to say that. Hehe, uh, m'bad. Oh! I almost for got. If you want to read something actually funny check out my story " All Legolas!!!". To those that have read it, thanx for the reviews and um, Blah, blah, blah. 


End file.
